ONESHOTS!
by FearIsButFearItself
Summary: A series of one-shots created by yours truly, ME! R&R!
1. 1000 Bubble Gum Wrapper Cats

**1000 Bubble Gum Wrapper Cats**

**Pairing: Lavi/Kanda**

Kanda paced kindly back and forth. Horrid dread filled his heart. Lavi should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my sweet love, Kanda thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Lavi had been taken hostage by Lenny Kettle, a supervillain who had the city in a state of mad terror. Kanda fainted dead away, like a passing breeze.

When he came to, there was a bump on his head and the horrid dread had returned. "Lavi," he cried out sweetly. "What is Nice Back doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing evily as he stabbed him in the arm.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Kanda remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 bubble gum wrapers and turn them into cats, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Kanda ordered in a supply of bubble gum and set to work, folding paper until his head was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last cat when Lavi walked in the front door.

"Lavi!" Kanda screamed and threw himself into Lavi's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 bubble gum wrapper cats and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing in a pond. He kissed Lavi gently on the cheek.

"Actually," Lavi said, pulling away softly, "I was rescued by Frank Bottle. He's a new superhero in town." Lavi sighed. "And he's really hot."

The horrid dread came back. "But you're happy to be back here with me, right?"

Lavi checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet Frank Bottle for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay cool, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.

Kanda choked back a sob and started folding another cat. Then he went out and got drunk instead.


	2. A Helpful Occurance

**A Helpful Occurrence**

**Pairing: Allen/Lavi**

Allen paced up and down, tapping on his arm. His very good friend, Lenalee Lee, had arranged to meet him here by a pond. "I have something secret to tell you," she had said.

Lenalee was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Allen expected to see her bounce up, her long hair streaming behind her and her huge bubbly eyes aglow.

Allen heard footsteps, but they seemed rather heavy for a delicate and happy girl like Lenalee, whose tread was gentle. He turned around and found Lavi staring at him.

"What are you doing here?" Lavi said . "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."

Allen had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so softly. "Lenalee asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Lavi, his heart began to throb.

"Oh," Lavi said, softly yet it was obvious he was upset. "I'll just go then."

"Wait," Allen said and caught Lavi by his arm. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes," Lavi said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed.

From behind a tree, Lenalee watched with a nice light in her eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Allen/Lavi". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the cat from extinction.


	3. A Soul In Time

**A Soul In Time**

**Pairing: Allen/Lenalee**

On a linked and tiny morning, Lenalee sat beside a pond. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her heart ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Allen to love someone with an odd head?

Softly, she began to recite a poem she had composed. "Ah, my love is like a matter nice chocolate muffin, all on a summer's day. I wish my Allen would hug me, in his own happy way..."

"Do you?" Allen sat down beside Lenalee and put his hand on Lenalee's waist. "I think that could be arranged."

Lenalee gasped sweetly. "But what about my odd head?"

"I like it," Allen said kindly. "I think it's nice."

They came together and their kiss was like the breeze.

"I love you," Lenalee said quickly.

"I love you too," Allen replied and hugged her.

They bought a cat, moved in together, and lived gently ever after.


	4. Im Dreaming Of A Nice Christmas

**Im Dreaming Of A Nice Christmas**

**Pairing: Allen/Road**

It was Christmas Eve. Road sat on the couch, sipping happy eggnog.

She looked at the angel hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Allen had hung it there, just before they looked at each other sweetly and then fell into each other's arms and hugged each other.

'If only I hadn't been so in love,' Road thought, pouring a large amount of rum into her eggnog. 'Then Allen might not have got so stuck up and left me all alone at Christmas time.' She wiped away a tear and held her arm in her hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a voice lifted up in song.

"I'm dreaming of a nice Christmas

Just like the breeze"

Road ran to the door. It was Allen, painted white all over with snow.

"I missed you," Allen said. "And I wanted to hug you again."

Road hugged Allen and started to sob.

"I think you're drunk," Allen said.

"I think so too," Road said and they hugged each other until they knocked the Christmas Tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted turkey and lived happily until Road got drunk again.


	5. Nice Lang Syne

**Nice Lang Syne **

**Pairing: Bak/Fo**

Fo sipped sweetly at her drink and stood against a tree. She wasn't sure why she had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. She was no good at parties anyhow. They always made her feel matter and she ended up like she was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how she got when she was nervous.

Well, truth be told, Fo knew very well why she was at the party: to see Bak.

Ah, Bsk. Just the thought of him, the chance of a glimpse of his face made Fo's heart beat like a drum.

But tonight everyone was masked. Fo peered softly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Bak. There, she thought, the man over by the punch, the hot one with the frog mask. It had to be Bak. No one else could look so hot, even in a frog mask.

He began to walk Fo's way and she started to panic. What if he actually talked to her?

Bak came right up to her and Fo thought that she was going to faint.

"Hello," Bak said sweetly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"

"Oh, just looking at the moon," Fo said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so stupid.

Just then, a happy voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."

Fo's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Bak might ...

"Happy New Year!"

Bak swept Fo into his arm, and kissed Fo quickly, slipping her the tongue and groping his back.

Fo could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. She reached out and pulled Bak's mask off his face. It was Bak! "I knew it was you," Fo said and took her own mask off.

"And it's ...you," Bak said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."

Fo watched him go. He would be right back, she was sure. Just as soon as he had his punch.

And then they would fall in love.


	6. Odd Love

**Odd Love **

**Pairing: Reever/Komui**

Reever finished packing. Ever since Komui, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Reever had been very upset.

There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing embraced him, all was depressing. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going in a pond to become a Fisherman.

Just then, there was a helpful knock at the door. Reever opened it and stood there sweetly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his head.

When Reever came to, Komui was embracing him in his arms and looking worried. "My love," Komui said softly, "I'm sorry for the shock. I've been shipwrecked on an island for the last ten weeks, living like a caveman. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my locket that you gave to me in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Reever could hardly believe his Komui had returned. "I will always love you, locket or no locket . Besides, I can always get you a new on."

They embraced warmly and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was swell.


	7. Sweetly Tripping

**Sweetly Tripping**

**Pairing: Lavi/Kanda**

Kanda walked along gently. He was on his way to meet his lover, Lavi, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a cat hopping along, carrying a letter in its mouth.

Kanda was almost in a pond when he came across a helpful cake, lying alone on a juicy plate. "That must be a treat from my love bear," he said to himself, and walked over to it. The cake looked good, so he ate it.

It gave him the most queer tingling sensation in his chest. "How unusual!" he said and continued walking off to see Lavi.

When Lavi came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Kanda cried softly.

"Your face! And your chest!" Lavi said. "They're, they're, can't you feel it?"

Kanda felt his face and his chest. They were indeed quite odd. "Oh, no!" Kanda said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that weird cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Lavi said. "I got you a box of chocolates. It must have been that man who lives nearby. Hes acted a little queer, ever since he ate a crow."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Kanda sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Lavi said quickly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your really nice like that."

"Really?" Kanda dried her tears. Kanda kissed Lavi and it was an entirely undescribable sensation.

They spent the night having entirely awesome sex, until the cake suddenly wore off .

Everything was rather awkward after that.


	8. The Cat Prince

**The Cat Prince**

**Pairing: Lavi/Kanda**

Lavi was walking through a matter meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a little cat lying under a tree.

Lavi skipped over to see the dear thing and was upset to find that he was hurt! A knife had pierced his nice little back and he whimpered softly with the pain.

"My odd little friend," Lavi said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the knife, as quickly as he could. The cat cried out and Lavi's heart ached. "You'll be all right," He whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Kanda and you can live with me forever!"

Scooping Kanda up in his arms, Lavi carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Lavi nursed Kanda, cleaning his back and feeding him Meow Mix-brand cat chow.

On the eighth night, Kanda climbed into bed with Lavi. He burrowed under the covers and kindly hugged Lavi's arm. It made Lavi giggle and he cuddled close to Kanda, stroking his head and singing gently to him.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Lavi hurried home so he could curl up with Kanda. It gave him a warm feeling whenever Kanda hugged his arm.

Then one night, Kanda looked up at Lavi and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a prince."

Lavi yelped, he was so surprised. How could a cat talk? He must have drifted off and dreamed it.

"You're not dreaming," Kanda said. "Kiss me."

"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Lavi said and kissed Kanda on his head. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a prince! With a crown and everything!

"I'm Prince Kanda," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."

"Is it really you?" Lavi said.

"See?" Kanda said and showed Lavi the scar from the knife on his back. Then he kissed Lavi and they tumbled on the bed and did a lot of things.

"I love you," Lavi said when they were done. Kanda clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince's treasure Kanda had stashed away.

And if Lavi didn't know about Kanda's visits to the cat sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.


	9. The Miracle Of The Cat

**The Miracle Of The Cat**

**Pairing: Lavi/Kanda**

Kanda hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it. He loathed it.

Every December, Kanda would feel himself getting all odd inside. He refused to put up a Christmas Tree, he snapped at anyone stupid enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Kanda had to go to the mall to buy a box. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing quickly around and so much Christmas music blaring, he thought his head would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a man collecting for charity. Kanda never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the man dropped his bells and ran on the road. There was a tiny cat right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Kanda rushed out and sweetly pushed them both out of the way. There was a happy bang and then everything went dark.

When Kanda woke up, he was in a nice room. There was a Christmas Tree in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Kanda's back hurt. A lot.

The man came into the room. "I'm so thankful!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Lavi. You saved me from the truck. But your back is broken."

Kanda hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas Tree up and his back was broken, he felt quite pleased, especially when he looked at Lavi.

"Your back must hurt," Lavi said. "I think this will help." And he hugged Kanda.

Now Kanda felt very happy indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Lavi. "I love you," he said, and kissed Lavi kindly.

"I love you too," said Lavi. Just then, the cat ran into the room and nuzzled Kanda's arm. "I brought him home with us," Lavi said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Kanda said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.


	10. The Odd Stranger

**The Odd Stranger**

**Pairing: Marie/Miranda**

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Miranda strode along the path, making for Addicted Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, she carried the Teletubbies In A Box, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Highly Disturbing Sun That's A Baby Head.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave her warning and she drew her clock just in time to face the man who flew at him with such grace that she was almost dazzled.

The man smelled sweet, and Miranda barely raised her clock to meet the attack. They fought long and softly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Miranda found herself forced to one knee, the man's strings pressed to his back. "I am Marie of Addicted Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Teletubbies In A Box. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you in a pond."

But Miranda had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up her clock with a twist, overpowered Marie and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Miranda said, looking down upon him.

Marie's head shimmered like the sun. "I have underestimated you, Miranda. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Miranda's desire was enflamed. Her back throbbed and all her thoughts were to hug Marie like a cat. Miranda caressed Marie's face and she responded. They came together kindly, and their joining was as odd as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet socks!" Marie groaned and hugged Mianda as quickly as he could.

"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Miranda said. "That's where I put the Teletubbies In A Box for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed gently on the grass, forgetful of all but their juicy love. "We will stay together forever," Miranda said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Highly Disturbing Sun That's A Baby Head never got the Teletubbies In A Box and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.


	11. The Terror Of The Snow

**The Terror Of The Snow**

**Pairing: Cross/Klaud**

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Cross and Klaud went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Cross hit Klaud in her head with a big iceball. It hurt a lot, but Cross kissed it sweetly and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really happy snow man!" Klaud said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Cross said. "That would be more politically correct."

"I know," Klaud said. "We can make a snow cat. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up gently and made a nice snow cat. Cross put on a sled for the back. The cat was almost as big as him.

"It looks nice," Klaud said kindly. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Cross said and held up an Old Batterd Hat. "I found this in a sewer." He put the hat onto the cat's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the cat, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like the breeze.

Klaud screamed quickly and ran but the snow cat chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow cat hugged her softly.

"Nobody does that to my little cloud muffin!," Cross screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow cat through the arm. It fell down and Cross kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Klaud said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The Old Battered Hat lay in the yard until a child picked it up and took it home.


	12. To Sweetly Hug

**To Sweetly Hug**

**Pairing: Allen/Kanda**

Kanda and Allen were celebrating an odd Valentine's Day together. Allen had cooked a tiny dinner and they ate in a pond by candlelight.

"My darling," Kanda said, stroking Allen's arm, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Allen. "It is but a happy token of my addicted love."

Allen opened the box. Inside was a linked necklace! He gazed at it kindly. Then he gazed at Kanda kindly. "It's nice," Allen said. "Come here and let me hug you."

Just then, an Old Hag sprang out of hiding and cackled like the breeze. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a matter of fact voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Kanda read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other quickly as the crone cackled some more. Allen's arms began to tremble. Then Kanda shrugged, pulled out a gun, and shot the Old Hag's chest. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Allen said and kissed Kissed softly. "This is a nice Valentine's Day!"

They burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they hugged each other all night long.


	13. Dissmissed

**Dissmissed**

**Pairing: Allen/Kanda**

It was a normal day, the birds barked, the cats castraited, and the dogs died.

Everything was nice until the moyahi came up and said:

"Kanda, I have a confession..."

"If it's some more shit about your love for mittarshi dango, save your breath, cause I don't need you confessing to me that you love that shit...AGAIN!"

"No it's not that...I uhm...I love you!"

"...You better be kidding..."

"I'm not."

"Yea you are."

"No, im not!"

"Liar."

"IM NOT LYING!"  
"...Yea you a-"

"NO. NO NO NO! DON'T EVEN FINISH THAT! I LOVE YOU AND LET ME PROVE IT TO YOU!"

And with that Allen-chan kissed him.

"...You just kissed me..."

"NOW DO YOU BELIVE ME?"

"...You...kissed...me..."

"...Kanda?"

"..."

"Kanda?"  
"Bastard..."

"Huh?"

"YOU INFECTED MY MOUTH!"

"?"

Only minutes later...

"Today, we grieve for the Phophet Of Time, The Boy Who Lived, The Boy That Was Dumb Enough To Kiss Kanda...Allen Walker. He will be greatly missed and in our hearts forever. Dissmissed."

"Yu-Chan...I can't belive it...you killed the Moyashi..."

"Well he infected my mouth, what do you expect?"

That night...

"K**A**n_D_**a**i_M __h_**e**_**R**__e_**T****o**_h_A_u__**N**__**t **__y_**O**_u__**!**__!"_

"AWW HELL NAH!"


	14. Stalked

**A/N Thanks to my Older brother for helping me out with this when i was out of ideas! I owe you brother! Even though sometimes your really Baka...ANYWAY, ON WITH THE STORY!**

**Stalked**

**Pairing: One-Sided Yullen, Tykan if you squint REALLY hard**

Kanda was on a mission, by himself, and was wanting to die and hating his life for no reason what-so-ever. Then he saw Tyki walking in the opposite direction. Well that was no good!

"HEY TYKI!" Kanda yelled waving him over.

"Exorcist? What do you want?"

"Can you do me a favor? Itll only take a sec!"

"Depends Exorcist, what is it that you want?"

"Kill me!"

Tyki froze not sure if he heard him right.

"What did you say?"

"I said: KILL MEEEE!"

Yup. He heard it right.

"Now why would you want _that _exorcist?"

"...I dont know... Maybe it's because of that Allen Walker! (he's stalking me with a creepy look in his eyes..) HE WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE! After being stalked for I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW LONG, I finally turned around and sliced his ugly head off, but then... but THEN another head grew in old head's place! And as it was growing back, it was emitting the gayest laughter that I HAVE EVER HEARD! (my ears bled...) I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! So, are ya going to kill and put me out of my misery, or are you just going to stand there with that dumb look on your face?"

Kanda looked back up at Tyki, who's face was as blank as a sheet of paper

"Uhm...I...I have to go...like...now..." And with that, Tyki ran for his life, of into the sunset, now scarred for life.

"...Nice..."

And in the background, Allen stood there laughing gayly and grinning.


	15. Midd Night Call

**Midd Night Call**

**Pairing: Yuavi**

Kanda woke up. It was the middle of the night, and his phone was ringing. As it always did every night at midnight. He let it ring one more time and picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hey Yu!"

"Hey Rabbit."

"Whats up?"

"Trying to get some sleep."

"You say that every night!"

"Only cause it's true."

"Hahahah...yea i guess i'll let you get some sleep then..."

*sigh* "Wait...why'd ya call?"

Lavi stared at the phone in shock. _'Did Kanda just say for me to not hang up? Well...that's a first.'_ So of course the only thing he could manage out was a small: "Huh?"

"Why'd ya call? You call every night and you always hang up a few moments after calling."

"I guess I just wanted ta talk..."

"About?"

"Well...ya know that new movie called Letters To Juliet..."

"What bout it?"

"Well...uhm...do ya wanna see it with me?"

"..."

"Yu...are ya alright?"

"..."

"Right...sorry...knew i shoudnt of asked...just forget it."

"Okay ill see it with you."

"...What?"

"I said ill see it with you."

"Why?"

"...Because...well...I, uhm...ya see..."

"You like me?"

"Uhm...I guess you can put it like that..."

"Ya really like me?"

"I just said yea..."

"YES! I didn't think that ya liked me!"

"..."

"So, i'll pick you up tomorrow at noon alright?"

"Yea sure."

"See ya tomorrow!"

"See ya..."

**A/N: lol yea I know this sucked, but I couldnt really think of anything! sorry for the horrid crappyness of my stories!**


	16. Blood and Bodies

The sky was such a beautiful dark blue. There were no clouds. But the ground was an ocean of blood and bodies. Blood from the bodies that's lives ran out. The bodies of the people I knew…I stood there…unable to remove my eyes from the scene…the scene that I caused. I don't remember it that well. All I really remember is that I couldn't control it. The impulse that is. The impulse to kill…to hear their screams…of pain…and sorrow…sorrow that I betrayed them, just to fill my impulse…I do remember their hurt looks though…because they counted me as a friend…I killed Allen first…that was what showed everyone I lost it…when we were arguing, I made him a bit to mad, and he charged with his innocence, so when he got close enough I stabbed him in the stomach…he coughed up blood went pale and hit the ground dead…then there was Lenalee…the foolish girl that wanted to avenge her beloved…I killed her without thinking…she had her innocence activated and was charging at me…so, when she was within reach, I sliced her legs off, and as she was falling, I sliced off her head…she screamed for a split second as blood went everywhere and covered the ground around her…Chouji was next…he was upset that I was killing our 'comrades' so he charged, too bad he didn't know how to use his innocence yet, he was a one slice kill type of guy…I sliced when he was running up to me like the idiot he was, his body was cut off at the waist, he mumbled a small 'Anita' and hit the ground dead…the rest of the Black Order members suffered similar fates…it makes me laugh, how easy they were to kill…It was entertaining…but my need is filled now…I sorta feel bad, but that wont last…killing the people that annoy you, is a really good way to get rid of stress, belive it or not.

Fibfi-Chan: CRAP! Sorry for the crappy chapter, but I think it's a…somewhat…good way ta end a story, right? Besides, I've got a new story ready ta post soon.

Deke & Blank: Right. As if we're going to belive THAT.

Fibfi-Chan: AWW COME ON! IM WORKING ON IT NOW! Multi tasking is a good way ta get things done!

Deke & Blank: REVIEW!


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